If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s committing to the bit. And what is this newsletter if not just one, long bit? I mean, the other week I sent out a newsletter called, Things I Would Let Christopher Meloni Do to Me, which Meloni actually liked on Twitter.
I am but a clown with a broom growing out of their head! Thankfully, though, almost two-thousand of you seem to enjoy it, which is approximately 1,995 more folks than I thought would. My goal was to hit one-thousand subscribers within my first year of writing SOS, and now I’ve almost doubled that goal, and that’s thanks to all of you: for reading, for commenting, for sharing, for any kind word you’ve sent my way, either publicly or privately. Thank you.
None of this would be possible without my team, my partners-in-crime, without whom I would be utterly lost, just bumping into trees in the woods like a malfunctioning Roomba. I’m fairly certain most people subscribe to this newsletter purely for James Jeffers’s art, which blows me—and so many of you—away every week. Whenever I’m stuck, it’s his art that makes me want to string words together that are worthy of being paired with his work. And if it wasn’t for Jesse Adele and her razor-sharp editorial eye, this newsletter would arrive in your inbox in size eighteen Wingdings. There’s nothing that she doesn’t catch, and no one is more patient and understanding, and there for me when I’m not feeling well and end up handing in a newsletter, like, twenty minutes before it’s supposed to go out. I am truly one blessed bitch!
To celebrate one year of carefully edited and proofread chaos, let’s revisit the most popular newsletters of the year.
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My Brother Claims to Have Seen a Dead Body When He Was a Kid—And My Parents Were Like, “OK” – I’m going to be completely honest with you all: This was intended to be a fluff piece. I had planned out a month’s worth of spooky content for Halloween, and came up short one week and was like, “Oh, no, I have nothing to write about this week.” I wrote about my own scary experience the week before—about a haunted doll in the basement of the retail store I used to work in—and scrounged my brain for other things that have happened to me and/or someone I know. That’s when I remembered this particular family story, and thought it would be funny if I interviewed my parents and brother together about it. To my surprise, this blew up, so much so that many of you have asked for a follow-up. Who knows?! October is only a few months away…
Say Hello to Your Newest He/They – This one triggered the submissions of quite a few unsolicited passages of scripture to my messages and comments. I still get them! I get it; I’m an abomination. I’ve made a career out of it, babe. All that aside, however, I’ve been flooded with messages of love and warmth more than anything else, and they will always eclipse any hate thrown my way. I’m proud of this piece, and the people I love, care about, and surround myself with are, too, and that’s all that matters.
Turning My Shaking Thumb Into a Green One – BEHOLD MY BLOOMS. (Also, my mega-talented pal, JP Brammer, did the art for this one!)
Father, Son, and House of 1,000 Cigarettes – This future camp classic will forever have a special place in my heart, and I’m glad this response to it of mine had got such a response from you, the readers. I can’t wait until I go to Buffalo Wild Wings next, so that I can Airplay that sex scene on all the monitors.
I’ve Had It with Toxic Positivity – This is a personal favorite, and I’m so happy it resonated with so many people. Complaining unites, not divides—embrace it!
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OK, I think that’s enough self-fellating for now. But it was fun to revisit the pieces you flocked to most this year, and I would love to know what you want to read more of; don’t be a stranger, drop by in the comments! Or send me an email. Or a DM! Or a Panera gift card with your feedback in the “Notes” field. I want to hear from you—unless you want to send me a psalm. I’m good on those at the moment.
In the meantime, I want to thank you, again, for joining me on this fun, wild, and unpredictable ride. To another year of seeking (and saving our) serotonin.
Credits
Art by: James Jeffers
Editorial assistant: Jesse Adele
You can follow my other unhinged missives by following me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. My debut memoir, Born to Be Public, is out now.